Saturday, January 9, 2010

Sometimes she knows there's something not right

Sometimes Mum has insight into her forgetfulness. She gets sad and confused and says, "Do I have dementia?" My answer is, "Once we get to 60 we all have a bit of dementia. We all start forgetting things."

The last few days, Mum has been sure a lady is coming to clean the house. No-one is coming at all! She's been ready every morning with some cash ready and she's cleaned her house thoroughly so that the cleaning lady won't think she's dirty.

She's hiding everything that the cleaning lady plans to steal that she thinks is valuable, including cheap plastic jewellery. It's all hidden away and I'll never find it again. She's very paranoid.

Poor Mum! I'm feeling more sorry for her than myself today, because she's been quiet and sad, rather than angry, argumentative and even violent, which she often is.

But mostly I feel sorry for me. She looks like my mother, she sounds like my mother BUT MOST OF THE TIME SHE ISN'T MY MOTHER. It's frightening. This person who's taken over from my mother gets all maudlin and clingy and makes a grab for me to hug me. I jump out of her way, horrified. I don't know you! Who are you? Go away! Don't touch me!

When I go back home I feel so ashamed of myself. I didn't want to hug my mother. No, I didn't, because IT'S NOT MY MOTHER.

I am so glad she lives at her house and I live at mine, because if I had to be with her 24 hours a day, I think I'd jump under a train.

People say I should be concerned that while I'm not with her she'll try to cook something and start a fire and burn the house down. This is awful, but I DON'T CARE. My sanity is more important than worrying about a fire that might never happen.

I don't think she'll cook anything though. She's always hated cooking and housework. I can't see her getting interested at this late stage.

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