Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Weird Conversations

My grown-up kids call Mum Nanagoose. This is an email I recently sent them. It shows the progression of the disease from a few months back. I went to see Nana for a few minutes tonight. I gave her a carton of milk. I showed her that I'd opened the carton and said, "Now don't go ripping the top off the carton! It's already opened!" I put it in the fridge. Nanagoose: Can I use that? Me: Yes, you can use that. Nanagoose: Can I use it for anything? Me: Yes, you can use the milk in the fridge. Nanagoose: Can I use it for anything at all? Me: What were you planning to use it for? Nanagoose: I don't know. I'll use it for something. AAARGGH.
I asked if I could look at her bandage. Nanagoose: (looks at both legs) What bandage is that? Me: The one where you had the operation yesterday. Nanagoose: Did I have an operation? I can't remember that. Me: The one on your neck. Nanagoose: (checks neck, finds bandage) Well, I never knew I had an operation! I was asleep, so how could I remember it! Me: Don't pull the bandage off again or they'll have to put you in hospital and tie your hands to the bed. If you pull that bandage off you could bleed to death. Nanagoose: I won't pull it off. I don't pull bandaids off. Do you think I'm stupid? (Oh yes she did, all night long). AAAARGH. Me: And here's some makeup. You said you needed some. Nanagoose: Good, can you open it for me? Me: Here, it's open, now test it on your hand. Nanagoose tests it on the inside of her hand, on the palm. Me: You don't test makeup there. You test it on the back of your hand. Nanagoose tests it where you test perfume, on the underneath of her wrist. Me: No, not under your wrist, test it on the back of your HAND. Nanagoose: Where's that? I don't know what you mean. AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGH. Me: Here are the teabags you're out of. Nanagoose: Give them to me! I'll hide them right away! Me: No, don't hide them, you won't find them if you do that! Put them in the cupboard! Nanagoose: No, people come in at night and steal them! Me: No-one comes in at night and steals your teabags. (Putting them in the cupboard). Nanagoose: When you go I'll hide them. The nurses come in and steal them all the time.