Paranoia, Police and Hospital

Very bad afternoon. For the past three weeks, the Lexapro hasn't seemed to have been working as well any more. Symptoms were breaking through. She's been really obsessed with the cats every night, staying awake until midnight looking for them and wanting to go outside in the cold and the dark.

Today she went to Day Care, came home at 5.30 pm and wouldn't sit down to eat her dinner. She kept jumping up, shouting "Where's my cat? My cat isn't in here. Let me outside!" Well, it was dark outside and she would have fallen over, so I'd locked both the doors. I always lock the doors after dark.

This made her angrier and angrier. I couldn't distract her. She started saying crazy things, like someone is poisoning me and trying to take my house. She threatened to hit me across the face. She told me I was acting mad and she wanted to get the doctor for me.

I didn't feel too well. I was feeling dizzy and sick. I tried to find the phone number for the 24-hour emergency nurse but misplaced it. It wasn't anywhere on the internet. 

I tried to find the number of the gerontologist. I have a new phone and suddenly realized it's not on the new phone. I felt too sick and too dizzy to look any further. Later I took my BP and it was 157/113. A wonder her behaviour didn't kill me.

I finally decided the only course of action was to call the ambulance. By this time I'd locked myself in my room and she was hammering on the door, rattling the handle and trying to break the door down. She also threatened to smash the windows to get to the cats. There were already two cats inside. I decided long ago that though they usually sleep on the veranda, it's best to bring one or two in to keep her happy, but tonight for some reason she remembered there were more than two cats. 

I'm not sure I've seen her as crazy as this before. I wonder if she'll actually come out of it, even with the help of more medication. I wonder if she'll always be like this from now on and I won't be able to keep her at home any more. 

I remember when my great grandmother died, she had a bad episode of paranoia and had to be taken to hospital. She died soon after of a stroke. I think she got herself in such a state she caused the stroke.

But my great grandmother, who was the same age as Mum is now, didn't have severe dementia. I'm not sure she had dementia at all, until that day she suddenly went paranoid. 

My great grandmother died on 10th July, 1975. She looked just like Mum, very short and thin. She had agoraphobia and hadn't left the house in 40 years until the day she died. 

I will try and get some sleep, but at some stage the doctor will ring and speak to me, and that could be two in the morning, so I'll be listening for the phone.

Because I feel so sick, I didn't go with her to the hospital. I have to look after myself sometimes.

Footnote: I forgot to mention, the police got here first, as the ambulance always call them when people are acting crazy. The neighbours came in to try and help. Finally they got her into the ambulance, protesting all the way.