Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Nearly going crazy

I woke up yesterday morning after coming back from a two week holiday with Mum to Adelaide feeling like I would have a nervous breakdown. I am having trouble coping with all kinds of things. My car needs repairs and I just CAN'T ring up and make a time to bring it in. Boxes of Mum's china and kitchen things are strewn throughout my house which looks like a Chinese brothel, as my grandmother would say, and I just CAN'T even tackle one of those boxes. I need to go to the optometrist. I made an appointment 3 weeks ago and missed it due to extreme stress and inability to focus on anything (with my brain, not my eyes). I need to take Mum to the skin clinic. I can't motivate myself to get an appointment for that either. I feel like I'm falling apart. I guess all carers feel like this at times but it's awful, and frightening. I avoid doing anything by playing Farmville. It calms my mind and makes all my troubles go away. It is absolute hell watching your mother in effect, go insane.

Picture: Farmville


  1. Hi there,

    I just found your blog today, I am in the same boat all the way over in Ireland. After 10 years coping on our own, we are at the stage of looking at nursing homes and waiting for the health authority to sanction funding as they are ludricoiusly expensive otherwise (€1300 - per week!!) If my Mother get a shower once a week we are doing well. My brother described it as death of a thousand cuts and it really is isn't it? I also have 2 small kids, (6 & 3) and there is no way Mam could come to live with me, I'd end up in the nursing home before her.....

    the very best of luck to you, and take some time for yourself, you are no good to your Mother if you are burnt out..


  2. Hi, i was just reading your information. i am in a bit oif a state too, i have severe rheumatoid arthritis, have 3 joint replacements, my mums just in early stages of dementia they say. she calls me many times, says shers cold, im going to dye, my ex partner who cares for me rushes to see her, gets her shopping etc, as i cant drive no more im 54, she is 83. Iwanted to go and see a girlfriend in uk for a few days, she said to me, youy must be here, i feel better when you are here, but my health is deteriating very fast and i feel sometimes what life and future do i have, i loved to travel, and i say i will come over we go out for something to eat, she says no, i offer take her to blackpool by coach for a break she dosent want go no where,im her only daughter and need to talk to someone, i feel so low and no life, when i was once such a happy person, i dont have a future too, as my arthritis getting worse every day yet its as though i am forgotten.I am biomic i will cope, i will end up in the ground i am sure before my mum.

  3. I talk to all my friends on facebook too, and play diamond dash that is my therapy, but deep down in my heart i am so alone, need a friend or someone to help me through this, I love my mum dearly, but i must have a life too.

  4. Thank goodness for computer games :P
    I am in the same boat watching my mom go down. My poor car! I finally went on antidepressants-Oh what a life saver! My car still isnt cared for, but at least I am not spacing out as much & crying. I am amazed at the other comments,we are all the same

  5. Thanks for your comments everyone. Sorry to hear you are all suffering, also. You tend to forget this as it's a very lonely life. I feel shattered most of the time.

  6. Firstly let me start by saying, I live in the uk and mother returned to her place of birth Jamaica after 45 years. She has now lived in Jamaica for the past 15 years, unfortunately due to financial constraints I was unable to come and visit yearly. Which I now realise was a big problem! My mother apparently was deteriorating mentally and no one informed me.
    I received a call early in 2011 stating my mother seemed unwell and was behaving out of character. After careful consideration I left my two daughters and husband and went to find out was going on for myself. My mother was diagnosed with early signs of dementia in June 2011, as it was early and nothing could be done. I returned to the UK after 2 months. I then received a call and unfortunately my mother was deteriorating fast. My mother has memory loss, she hides things and when she cannot find them she blames me, she has said some derogatory things about me. I believe this behaviour is part of my mother coping. She is in denial which makes things very difficult! My marriage is breaking down and my husband has told me he needs a break. I feel so alone and unsupported!

    But I know there is a God, if there were not I surely would have had a nervous breakdown as a result of my mothers illness.

    The unfortunate thing is, I am unable to do anything because she is still able to do for her self and is very much against me.

    Just wanted to share my story...

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