Friday, January 10, 2014

What are the names?

Yesterday I had to take Mum to the skin clinic. She's so quiet these days. She used to like music but if I turn the car radio on she usually can't stand it and wants it off. She hardly says anything because she can't think what to say and she doesn't get angry any more. I must get the doctor to look at the Risperidone and see if she still needs it. I don't think so - I think the aggressive stage is over. It's so sad to see her so quiet and to recall all the things she'll never do again. She'll never see the snow again because it's a six hour trip and we have to stay overnight. It's impossible for me to manage her overnight and as well, it's not good to disturb her schedule. She gets confused. So many things she'll never see again, never do again. So many people she'll never see again, because they don't want to 'see her like this' and want to 'remember her the way she was'. How cruel.

I took her to see her best friend down the coast two weeks back. The friend turns 90 soon and has few signs of deterioration; she still plays tennis. Mum had a nice chat to her but wanted to leave after half an hour. She just kept getting up out of her chair and saying, "Well, I have to go now, it's getting late." The friend was disappointed but understanding.

On the way to the doctor yesterday she said, "What are the names? I suppose I've forgotten them all by now." 

This was a rare moment of recognition of her disease. 

I knew right away that she meant names of family members, so I went through them for her. You have a son, *******, I am *******, your grandchildren are.......

She was happy to hear their names and recalled them. She remembered some things. "Patrick is very tall." "******** goes to university." 

I just feel so sad about it now. Before, she was behaving so badly I didn't even like her for a long time. You can't forget the terrible things they say - "I hate you" "Get out" "You're not my daughter any more" - but now all she says is "I love you so much and I'm so glad to see you." What a change. 


Mum on the right in about 1940


Mum in November, still beautiful


With dear Father Leo Stevens when she was 60 years old




11 comments:

  1. I am caring for my mother also, i understand wanting to go home even though she really wants to go back to her childhood home. Take care

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    1. She just can't sit still and visit anyone any more - even one person at a time. She wants to get out of there.

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  2. Hi Louise
    Funny isn't it that as things change and they get quieter we really miss the things that used to annoy us.

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    1. Yes, she's quiet in a very sad way. She has no life left in her. She's also getting more tired which isn't like her - she's always been so lively.

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  4. I wrote a poem about the stages and transition - too long to post as a comment. I wrote it before my mom died. I guess I never posted because she never arrived to where the end of my poem took me.
    My brother also made an analogy of what dementia and Alzheimer's could be. You can read about it here: http://gayldsactor.blogspot.com/2013/07/dementia-epiphany.html. We have gone through a lot of transitions.
    Hope you may find comfort in other blog posts. I know it's hard. And you have it harder than we did.

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    1. Thank you so much for your reply. It says the page doesn't exist any more. And congratulations on coming out as a gay Mormon. Very courageous.

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  5. My mother had a brain scan five days ago. They strongly suspect she has Alzheimers but needed to scan for a concrete diagnosis. Her doctor phoned me yesterday - he wants to me see us tomorrow at 9. I don't really know what to do. ive lost all hope i know life is going to change very very fast soon... i'm readjing of your dear mother and crying. my mum doesnat deserve this. noone does . i dont know why im commenting, i guess i'm just trying to relate with somebody - someone who perhaps knows what i'm going through.

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    1. Please check out the Alzheimers Reading Room by Bob de Marco. You will find heaps of help and support there. http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/

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  7. I hope one day people will be benefited from the studies carried on over Dementia and Alzheimer's disease. Till then, we have to take preventive measures.

    Warm Regards,
    Mantis Hugo
    Raspberry Ketone Juice

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